Chapter Eight
“I saw you help that boy today. Oh sure, I was angry that you went behind my back and took the risk, but it reminded me just how capable you are. Never forget this: you can do anything you put your mind to, Evelyn.”
–Marquise Jones, “Unnamed”. 3 Months After.
* * *
“I can’t do this!” Evelyn shouted, the scalpel shaking in hand.
“And why is that?” Mother asked.
Because you’re a fucking psychopath, Evelyn almost said. Winry lay on the operating table in front, her soft, brown eyes glazed over as her furry chest rose and fell. Evelyn had come to love her pet goat after raising her, and now she was expected to do this?
“Winry is suffering from internal bleeding brought about by her injury,” Mother said calmly. “The only way to save her is to perform a laparotomy on the affected area, just as I’ve taught you.”
She grit her teeth. “Why can’t you do it? You’re the one who hurt her!”
“That I was the cause of her injuries is irrelevant. This is your pet suffering by my hand today, but it will one day be someone you love through an ill twist of fate. If you remain hesitant now, how will you be able to protect your children when the time comes?”
That made Evelyn blush. “I’m only sixteen!”
“And already, you’re one of the last remaining fertile women in this world.” She leaned in. “You’re wasting precious time, Evelyn. The pressure will continue to build inside Winry until her organs fail. I suggest that you act quickly if you want to keep her alive.”
She’s really going to make me do this, isn’t she? Mother had been protecting Evelyn since freeing her from the Jailors. There was no denying how much safer she’d been in her hands. The cold basement of Mother’s Grace was a godsend compared to the world beyond, and Mother planned to even build an entire bunker for Evelyn to survive inside. A place where she’d live free from the Hollowing, once and for all.
But Mother was also a rezzer like any other. Cold. Dead. A monster driven strongest by her hunger. She knew it. She owned it. And it was in that ownership that she defined their relationship. Mother pushed Evelyn to become stronger so she could survive on her own. This was just another step in her development, as much as it messed her up inside.
Evelyn looked into Winry’s sedated eyes. They were so calm and peaceful. Her muscles relaxed. Evelyn didn’t want anyone else to die. She couldn’t. Not when she could do something about it.
Evelyn sliced along the abdomen where the bruising occurred, just as Mother had shown her. Fresh blood burst through the opening. Once upon a time, this much blood would’ve caused her to faint on the spot, but she didn’t even blink against it anymore.
“Suction,” Evelyn ordered.
Mother complied, handing her the tube. Whirring grew as she swallowed the blood up, exposing raw muscles beneath. Evelyn calmly peeled more layers of flesh away. More blood flowed free. She swept it out, looking instead for signs of where the vessels had burst. Got you. The moment she reached the liver, the area practically overflowed with fluid.
“Suture,” Evelyn said. Mother followed along.
I can do this. Evelyn moved methodically as she sealed the torn vessels and alleviated the pressure. This type of surgery would be the easiest. Not like removing an organ, or tumor, or cyst. Evelyn wasn’t just some regular sixteen-year-old girl either. She’d become a survivor of the Hollowing. One of the dwindling few left. So long as she trusted in herself, everything would be okay.
It was almost over. Evelyn had identified three different burst vessels and finished closing them all. Just need to trim the excess stitches…
But then her finger slipped.
Scarlet fluid burst forth in spades. She quickly went for suction, but it couldn’t clear it out fast enough. So much blood!
“Why won’t it stop!?” Evelyn asked as her heart raced.
Mother sighed. “You’ve pierced a major artery, Evelyn.”
Oh, God! Winry’s vitals began to slow. Evelyn moved faster to sew the wound up, but the blood seemed to have a life of its own, and within moments, her arms were drenched past the elbows.
“I’m sorry,” Mother said, “but there’s nothing more to be done.”
She injected another syringe into the IV bag above and pulled Evelyn’s hands away.
The heart monitor flattened out within moments as Evelyn stood powerless. Winry’s eyes changed in that last quiet second. It was the same as Evelyn had seen before, time and time again. That moment when the mind finally disappeared for good, replaced by an emptiness that knew nothing else. She still remembered the first time she’d seen, locked in the eyes of a hollow behind a fence during Z-Day. There were so many after that too. From the people who’d hollowed to the survivors that’d been killed to the ones she’d murdered herself. It had been the same from her father in his final moments.
The same look that Mother had now.
“It’s your fault!” Evelyn swore, swinging her scalpel. Mother grabbed her wrist before the blow could land.
“Will harming me alter the events of today?” she asked, still with that cold, dead stare.
Evelyn’s eyes watered, and the scalpel fell from her hand. Before she knew it, before she realized it was happening, she was bawling her eyes out, once again that sad little girl. But she didn’t care. What did any of this matter?
Mother dropped down. “It’s okay, Evelyn. You are right. This is my error for forcing you to act before you are ready. No one is to blame for Winry’s death but me.”
“Why me?” Evelyn squeaked. “Why do I always have to be so strong?”
Mother hugged her tight. “Hades just launched an ICBM into an Antarctic facility that we had made contact with. Another group of irreplaceable living souls, extinguished for good. This follows the extermination of the Vancouver Island community that Leah destroyed alone. I have tried my best to be proactive in finding you partners, but the Hunters are moving faster than I can respond on my own. It won’t be long before you’re all that remains.”
Evelyn blinked through the tears. “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve to be the only one saved.”
“It is us who are undeserving of you, Evelyn. Make no mistake. I may not have birthed you in a literal sense, but you are still my daughter, and I will do everything in my power to craft a world in your image. But still, that could never be enough. Not for you. The Hollowing could be reversed and humanity returned to its former glory, but that would still be a mere afterthought compared with my love for you. You deserve more than I could ever give.”
Evelyn held her back, her eyes closed. This life was bitter and cruel to no end, but wrapped inside Mother’s arms, the pain drifted away.
Only here was she truly safe.
* * *
Evelyn studied Mother’s Grace from the safety of the balcony.
She couldn’t get a good sight from this vantage. Almost a mile away and tucked between buildings, only a corner of the giant red cross banner could be seen, along with the vague silhouette of a sniper posted above.
Evelyn doubled back inside with a sigh. Liam watched on as their daughter lay in bed.
“How’s she doing?” Evelyn asked.
He patted Leah’s head. “Dare I say that she’s sleeping like a baby?”
“Looks like she’s finally gotten used to her new surroundings.”
“At least one of us has.” He rubbed the heavy bags below his eyes.
You can say that again. It had been just shy of a week since they’d come to Pandemonium. A week of not being able to sleep for more than an hour at a time. Between Leah’s non-stop crying and the endless noise of a city that knew no sleep, it felt like neither Evelyn nor Liam would ever be able to close their eyes in peace again.
They did have a good situation, thankfully. The other Leah had set them up with a unit right at the top of the Lodge. She had a feeling this room once belonged to Mother’s old lieutenant, Mr Clean. He always took cleanliness to the next level, anyway. A private cistern that was separate from the main water line had been installed, and it carried a triple filtration system that kept HBRS pseudo-cells from passing through. Evelyn thought it was bullshit at first, but she’d tested it more than a dozen times before Liam finally wore her down. Now, their daughter could get the proper hot bath that they could rarely do back home. When combined with the furnishings, the free TV, and an electrical grid that knew no limit, their lives were more comfortable than they’d ever been before.
But this was not enough. It could never be here. Not in a place where her daughter’s life was at stake.
“I’m going out,” Evelyn decided.
“How much longer can you stand on that balcony?” Liam asked with a yawn.
She went for her backpack. Where her husband had been quick to offload his gear, she had kept her own zipped up in case they ever had to turn on a dime.
“No. Out, out. I’m going to scout the city.”
He blinked. “Why would you do that? We’re finally comfortable, and our daughter is safe, and you want to risk it all by sneaking off on your own?”
“We’re only ever safe while we’re safe, Liam. In case you haven’t noticed, it’s been a week since we arrived, and your friend still hasn’t come up with any answers. How long do you think Leah can keep this going?”
“Longer than if you try to play Rambo in a city filled with intelligent zombies. Besides, you’ll never make it past the guards.”
“There’s a gap in their patrols on the west side. I could be down the balcony, over the fence, and back again without anyone seeing me. Just another reason to see what else they missed.” She grinned. “Besides, you might have only spent a night here before, but don’t forget that I lived for over five years in this city before Mother had Cheyenne operational. That’s five years of experience keeping my head down. Trust me, I’ve forgotten more about Pandemonium than most of its residents will ever know.”
Liam looked at Leah, then back to her. “I still think you’ve lost your mind, but don’t let me get in your way. As long as you make it back safe, that’s all that matters…” His voice trailed off at the end, as though he had more to say.
“I’ll be fine,” Evelyn repeated. She couldn’t read her husband’s mind, but she knew her own and trusted her instincts above all else.
Evelyn quickly threw the last of her disguise together. Unlike hollows, rezzers were easier to fool once getting over her living scent. A hoodie over her hair, some sunglasses to hide the eyes, and a dash of their artificial hollow spray was all she needed to fit right in. She didn’t even bother with the respirator, instead wrapping cloth around her face to cover her otherwise full and vibrant lips. They only had so many filters left to spare.
Once finished, she waited for the window of opportunity and tossed a rope over the balcony. She rappelled below. Fast and silent. Scaling the Lodge’s outer wall was even quicker. By the time the guards rounded back, Evelyn already strolled around the bend.
Only to stop once she hit the next opening. A flood of loud noises and neon lights burst in front, somehow blinding her even through the shades.
Rezzers were such strange creatures. Their minds were under constant assault by the Hollowing, so any stretch in stagnation had a habit of accelerating the process. They had devised various tricks to fight against this fate, ranging from the practical to the fantastic.
Asphodel was one such solution. As the center of commerce in Pandemonium, its shopkeepers engaged in a never-ending arm’s race to outdo each other, always striving to make bigger, flashier, and louder forms of advertisement to catch a potential patron’s attention. With no one to step in and tell them otherwise, they could keep building an arsenal of LCD screens and floodlights forever. The end result lay in front. A constant, turbulent rush of bright colors and lights. Even Evelyn found herself hypnotized by so much constant and conflicting stimulation in one place, her brain kicking into overdrive just to process a fraction of it. From what she remembered, the residents here hollowed slowest on their own, and it was no surprise why.
She strolled down the street, blinking away the noise while sliding through the crowd. Hundreds of Hunters, bosses, and workers streamed by, all struggling to find their way in this chaotic expanse of an undead bazaar.
Evelyn tried to inspect her surroundings with a critical eye, but the exercise proved a waste. She hadn’t been exposed to so much in such rapid succession since the last time she’d been here, and her memories paled in comparison to this overproduced mess.
In the end, she found herself a block away and out of view, with nothing new to report other than a dozen ads of guns and lotions replaying in her mind’s eye on loop.
But then the world slowed again, and her spider senses tingled like nobody’s business. The sudden silence and darkness hit harder than the mayhem before. Every blind nook was potentially occupied. Every shadow held a possible threat. Evelyn could feel others out there. Watching. Waiting. Biding time until she slipped up and turned away for too long. Her hand instinctively fingered the pistol at her waist. Nothing else could save her here should trouble come her way.
But that was Tartarus in a nutshell. Where Asphodel had grown so vast over time, Tartarus defined itself by its ominous calm. The buildings might’ve been taller and roads more developed, but those heights only made for tighter, darker alleys. Endless gaps were created, leaving perfect ambush spots for the unwary.
Not every rezzer was destined for wealth or comfort. Most were lucky if they could keep their vocal cords intact. These unwashed masses made their homes inside the dimly lit blocks of Tartarus, if they had any homes at all. Without the added security or Hunters floating around, no safety could be found here other than that which one created for themselves.
Evelyn’s fingers stayed firmly wrapped around the polymer grip of her Sig Sauer as she marched onward in silence, watching everything that crossed her gaze yet learning nothing. What few figures she could identify in the shadows stole all her attention, and there were no doubt plenty more hidden from her.
This exercise dragged on, block by block, until she found her next destination.
Her heart skipped a beat at the sight. A giant white banner with a red cross hung from the hospital’s walls. Floodlights radiated out for all of Pandemonium to see. Where the rest of the city was either shrouded in darkness or multicolor lights, Mother’s Grace stood out in its whitened purity. A bastion of stability against an otherwise anarchic world.
Finally, Evelyn had come home.
Must be my lucky day. No line at the ER. Only a single guard in a pair of scrubs, with an AK slung over his back.
He held up his hand as she approached. “Alright, that’s close enough. What business do you have here today?”
Evelyn raised her own. “Just looking around,” she said in the deepest and gruffest voice she could muster. “I used to be friends with Mother.”
“You and everyone else these days. I’ll tell you what I tell them: no one gets to waltz in here unless you have an emergency.”
She grit her teeth. Faking an injury was a non-starter. Couldn’t let anyone touch her or see her anatomy. No way to bluff her way through this either. Too much would’ve changed.
Or had it? Her eyes fell on the doctor that had just left the trauma center. His lab coat was coated in blackened ichor, but his skin was still smooth beneath dark hair and gaunt cheeks. Even this far away, she could make out the familiar face of the only surviving rezzer who’d remember her: Dr Frankenstein.
Evelyn started to advance, but the guard stepped between.
“Wait,” she said. “I have to see him.”
“The boss? No.”
“Dr Frankenstein!” she shouted. “It’s me!”
He kept walking.
“Alright, that’s enough,” the guard said
Evelyn grit her teeth. “Hey, Dr Frankenstein! Don’t you walk away from me!”
He paused at the door and turned. Evelyn shifted from side to side to keep his attention. It took a few moments before he finally wandered over.
“Can I help you?” Dr Frankenstein asked.
“It’s been a while, but it’s me. I’ve come back home.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Who is ‘me’?”
She studied the guard, his face hard as granite. It was worth the risk. She leaned in and whispered. “It’s me, Mother’s daughter, Evelyn.”
For a moment, Dr Frankenstein just stood and stared without speaking a word back. Evelyn would’ve loved to read his facial expressions, but these shades were a real bitch to see clearly through. Did he still remember her?
“Ah yes, Evelyn,” he said at last. “It’s good to see you.”
“You know this chick?” the guard asked.
He waved his hand. “Don’t worry about this one. It’s fine.”
She breathed deep. “Thank God. I was worried for a second.”
His thin lips curled into a smile. “What can I do for you today, Evelyn?”
“Look, I’d rather not get into it out here.” The guard still lingered at the edge of her vision. “Not when there are so many eyeballs watching.”
“There’s nothing to fear. No one will harm you.”
“Easy for you to say, but I wouldn’t have come all the way back here if the threat wasn’t real.” She paused. “We really should get to your office.”
But he just stood in place. “If you don’t tell me exactly what you need, I won’t be able to help you.”
“What are you talking about? I’ve already said as much as I can out here. The threat is real. That’s why I left Cheyenne and came back…” She paused, a thought sliding into place. She looked into her old friend with fresh eyes. Only a stranger stared back. “You have no idea who I am, do you, Dr Frankenstein?”
He didn’t even blink. “However much damage your reservoir has suffered, Evelyn, I would be more than happy to provide you with care. This facility is equipped to handle all your needs.”
Her vision blurred, but she turned away before the tears flowed unrestrained.
“No, it can’t,” Evelyn muttered as she walked away. Not anymore.
“And for the record, my name is Stein!” he called out after her.
She kept herself composed for the better part of a block, slinking back into the cover of Tartarus where no one would pay her mind. But no sooner had she dipped into an abandoned alley did the cracks form and burst. A subtle gasp at the back of the throat was all it took. Sobbing, then crying. All in the span of a second. She leaned against the wall for support, but her body grew so heavy at once.
Then as quickly as it began, she clammed up. No choice. Couldn’t be spewing fucking mouthfuls of living snot and saliva. Not here. A single whiff and she’d be outed as human.
Evelyn threw her hand over her mouth to keep from screaming. This was the worst part of surviving. Not ever being given the decency to vent outwardly. Only in the depths of her soul could she afford that release. She shut her eyes as if to suffocate the tears. Fuck this shit!
She made the long trek home. Quiet and alone.
Dr Frankenstein had been such a powerful force in her life. As the most talented surgeon, he’d risen from a mere attendant to one of Mother’s most trusted lieutenants, rivaled only by Mr Clean, whom she kept in her inner circle. Evelyn had spent no shortage of time around him, learning all manners of anatomy before leaving for Cheyenne. How could their time together have hollowed out of him?
Shit, Dr Frankenstein wasn’t even “Dr Frankenstein” anymore. Did he not remember all the hoards of people who celebrated his good name either? He’d earned his name not out of irony, but through the respect for how well he could sew a rezzer back together.
This shouldn’t have been surprising. It had been ten years since she’d left Pandemonium. Ten long years hiding under a rock in a world where a sound memory was equal parts luxury and burden. Just as she could draw upon more experience than perhaps any rezzer alive, so too was she trapped by the solitude it created. She’d known the possibility of having no allies the moment they’d planned to make the hike out here.
But to see that amnesia in the flesh? To look into the eyes of a long-lost friend and experience nothing in exchange? That was cruelty embodied. The type of malice that only the Hollowing could bring about. Dr Frankenstein should’ve remembered something about her.
The tears grew again, and this time, Evelyn lacked the willpower to stop them. Why did you do it, Mother? Why did you have to die?
Evelyn understood the answer intellectually. Hades had invaded. Cheyenne would’ve fallen soon after. Had it not been for Mother’s quick thinking and the carnage that followed, they would’ve never stood a chance. Their entire mission would have been for nothing.
And yet, Mother had still died. Her! The most brilliant, tactical mind this world had ever known. Always a step ahead of her enemies. Always predicting every outcome. There was no one stronger than her. How could she have died so easily?
Now, Evelyn had no one else left. She loved Liam – of course she did. They had their child together because of their relationship. But Liam had never earned his place in this world, nor could he shoulder its burdens. He’d only lucked into it by chance. Another miracle brought nudged along by Mother.
Evelyn had always fantasized about having another man in her life after her father died. She needed someone to protect her, and make her feel safe, and give her the peace of mind she craved after so much time fighting this world alone. Liam was not that man. He leaned onto her, not the other way around. Except for intimacy, but even then, his older age had caught up to him, and he could barely muster an erection half the time.
Hell, Evelyn could even forgive that, but having to split his love with his first wife was where she drew the line. Liam almost never brought her up. He was too smart for that. But Evelyn could see the look in his eyes whenever he talked about the old world and his time there. That sense of longing that she knew all too well.
He could have those years as his own support. There was no shortage of time from a romantic relationship that consumed many years of his life. Despite everything around them, Liam could still find comfort in those days long gone.
But who was there for her? Without Mother… Without that bastion of stability to prop herself against, Evelyn was so fucking lost.
She closed her eyes and tried to will Mother’s image to the front of her mind again. Tall. Proud. Arms held wide for an embrace.
Her eyelids slipped open, the tears running down her cheeks. That was all Evelyn had left. A memory. A fragment. No more than a passing thought. Her reality remained unchanged. The cold dark stood as proof of that, ready to swallow her.
And no one could change that.
“Are you alright?” a gruff voice resonated nearby.
Evelyn froze in place, her hand gracing her pistol out of reflex. She turned around. Only a single guy stood nearby, plopped on a plywood box. His skin was smoothed over, and his red eyes were bright in the light of the lantern above, contrasted against a brown, unadorned cloak with a rope wrapped around his midsection before falling past his knees.
He smiled meekly. “I don’t mean to be a bother, but you sound unwell.”
“What’s it to you?” Evelyn asked, her head now back on a swivel. If this guy was about to try something, she’d be ready.
“I only wish to help.”
In Tartarus? Give me a break. “Listen, pal. If this is about money, just know that I don’t have a pic to my name.”
His smile widened. “Rest assured, my good sister. What I have to offer has no price at all.”
Now that she had her bearings, Evelyn realized how close she’d come back to the Lodge. Couldn’t have been more than a hundred yards to the edge. This would be a bad place to jump someone. Not when so many Hunters were nearby, just waiting for an excuse to rough up someone and defend their turf.
That didn’t mean she could get careless, though. Evelyn made the slow advance, keeping her attention in her peripherals lest something else come out. As she drew near, the guy in the brown cloak ruffled through his plywood box.
“I’ll bite,” she said. “What you got?”
“Only the most sacred gift this world has ever received.” He pulled out a book. Plain black binding with a cross on th–
Is that a Bible? She leaned a couple inches closer.
“Yes,” the brown-cloaked rezzer said. “That sense you have inside your heart is correct. What you see is the Holy Word of the Lord, gifted to us from heaven.”
When was the last time she’d seen one of those? Not since she was young, before the Hollowing began.
“This is for you,” the brown-cloaked rezzer said, his smile unwavering.
Evelyn took the Bible in hand. “You’re giving this to me for free?”
“Of course! Such truths could never be denied.” He leaned forward, and the shadow fell over his face. “I only ask that you read it with an open mind. Let the Lord into your heart again, and He will raise you back up.”
Evelyn supposed that it wouldn’t be a bad idea. Her whole scouting operation had been a waste, with no more intel against their enemies than before. But it wasn’t lost on her that the Inquisitors were religious in nature. Her brief spat against them informed her of that much. Part of her considered a connection to this guy, especially with the similarly-designed outfit, but his demeanor was completely different. So pious and calm, where they’d been quick and aggressive.
A certain warmth flowed into her hands when she gripped the Bible, once again reminded of better days. Back to a time when her father still lived. To think she’d once gone to Church with him every single Sunday like clockwork. Oh, how she wished she could return there, even for a bit…
“What’s your name, anyway?” Evelyn asked.
“I am Brother Nathaniel,” he said. “What is yours?”
“Evelyn,” she responded before thinking. She chewed her lips once the realization set in, but then again, would telling one random worker her name make a difference?
Nathaniel grinned wide. “It is nice to meet you, Evelyn. If ever you feel troubled, just know that you are not alone, even in these days of revelations. I, along with many others, will always be here to help, as will the Lord above.”
“Thank you,” Evelyn whispered. This might have been the first time in a decade that someone had been kind enough to gift her something with no strings attached.
She made her leave, the Bible still in hand. A smile worked its way to her lips in spite of herself.
And for the first time in longer than she could remember, Evelyn felt safe again.
