“I think we’re clear,” Shannon said, peering through the holes of the fence.
“You sure?” Leah asked. They’d made it out of downtown alright, but she was still processing what had happened an hour before, and the thought of getting jumped again made her skin crawl.
“Don’t worry so much, I got you.” Shannon turned around. “How much further?”
Leah winced. “Still a couple miles, give or take.”
“We should get moving then. It’s almost light.”
“Give me a minute, will you?” She rubbed her knees.
“Yeah, sure.” Shannon looked back outside their fenced-in bubble, shotgun in hand and eyes studying the horizon.
How is she still standing? It felt like they’d both been on the verge of death when they’d reached downtown, but now that they’d been reunited, Shannon had become a superwoman. Nothing was slowing her down.
And here Leah was so tired. She sighed.
At least they were safe for now. They had reached another strip mall, and one of the shops had their dumpsters blocked off, with plaster walls on each side, and a fence as the sole entrance. It wasn’t tall enough to keep anyone out for long, but they could at least hide for a while longer.
Just a little further. You can do it. Then they could be free from this nightmare.
Again, Leah looked to Shannon. Still standing. Still breathing easy. As if nothing had happened.
Leah buried her face in her knees. They hadn’t talked about downtown yet. There was too much happening, and Leah was only relieved to have escaped with her life. But now that she had a moment to rest, the thought wormed its way from the back of her mind, until it was all she could think.
“Where were you?” Leah whispered.
Shannon said nothing, her eyes fixed forward.
Leah knew that look, better than anyone else. It was the kind that she’d seen hundreds of times before, where Shannon would rather say nothing than lie. Goddamn, did it hurt, every single time.
This was where the conversation would always stop. Shannon would pretend she hadn’t heard anything, and Leah would never have the courage to press further. Even now, she only chewed her lips and stayed in place.
Leah hugged herself, the tears growing. What awful thing had Shannon done this time? Had she gone and looted a store? Broke some windows for the sake of breaking windows? Maybe she’d decided that she was better off alone, only to have a last minute change of heart? Leah’s imagination was in overdrive as she considered all the possibilities.
Until landing back to one.
“How are you still standing?” Leah asked.
She said nothing.
It was all coming together. Just hours before, Shannon had been the one slowing them down, her body fighting fatigue and withdrawal at the same time. But now, she was fine. Better, even. How could that happen, unless her body no longer had anything to fight against?
“Shannon, where did you go?” Leah heard herself ask again, this time with more force.
Still nothing.
She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Tell me. Now.”
Shannon glanced back a beat before averting her gaze. “Stop.”
That proved it. Leah had only caught a flicker of the desperation and shame, but that was all she needed. She lurched to her feet and closed in. Shannon tried to keep her back to her, but Leah could see her eyes more clearly now, along with the truth that came with it.
Shannon wasn’t strong because she had to be right now. She hadn’t just disappeared for no reason. She’d gone and… She’d run off to…
“You’re high, aren’t you.” It wasn’t a question.
Shannon’s eyes watered, and she took a step away.
That hurt Leah more than everything else. Not even having the decency to face her right now.
“How could you, Shannon? You promised that you’d only be a couple minutes, and then you run off to do that?”
Shannon closed her eyes and grit her teeth, still refusing to speak.
“I almost died!” Leah squeaked. “For fuck’s sake, it was worse than that. When that man came for me and ripped my clothes…” She dug her nails into her palms, still somehow smelling his breath on her body. “He was going to rape me, Shannon. Fucking rape me. And you were off getting high. How could you do that? How could you leave me behind like that?”
Shannon lowered her gun and clenched a fist, her back still to her. “What do you want from me?”
The tears were flowing. “Just tell me why, Shannon. Why do you always pull shit like this? Even now. Even with everything going on, why would you ever think that half of what you do is acceptable? Just give me a reason for once!” Something. Anything.
Suddenly, Shannon threw her shotgun aside and spun around, her face red. “You want to know why, huh!? Why I’d jab a needle in my arm while you run for your life? Well, I don’t have some personal vendetta against you, if that’s what you’re trying to say. I did it because I’m a junkie. A fucking loser. That’s right! I saw the chance to shoot up, so I went and shot up. That’s all there is to it, okay?”
“But what about me?”
She stared dully. “What about you?”
Leah closed her eyes. This was more than she could take. Hearing those words out loud was like having needles jabbed through her heart, cutting so deep. All those times that Leah had justified Shannon’s actions… Every moment was playing again in her mind. The unanswered texts, the events she missed, the disappearing acts, the silent treatment. It was all happening again. All at once. Except now cast in this new light. Leah was seeing the real Shannon, and not the one that she had deluded herself into thinking was there.
“Everyone was right about you,” Leah decided, her voice quaking. “You only give a shit about yourself. Not anyone else.” She sniffled. “Not even me.”
Now it was Shannon’s turn to tear up. “Don’t do that. Don’t pretend like you’ve never known who I am. Twelve years, we’ve been friends. Twelve fucking years! And I’ve never been anyone other than who I am today. It’s not my fault that you chose to have me in your life anyway.” She took a step forth. “Maybe ask yourself why for a change! Yeah. Ask yourself why you want me around so badly.”
Leah buried her face in her palms and cried. Because I… She knew the answer. She’d always known, deep down. Because I love you, Shannon. Not just as a friend. Leah had to have Shannon around because she wanted to hold her. And kiss her. And wake up with her by her side. No one else could understand it. Hell, Leah couldn’t either. Not after bottling this up for so long, but there it was, right in front of her eyes. She loved Shannon. Even now. Even while hating her so much too. Shannon was the person who Leah had to have in her life, as fucked up as it all was. As toxic as it was.
That was what made this hurt so fucking much. Shannon knew too. She had to have. But she’d kept exploiting Leah over this. Again and again. It was all so clear right now. Why did it have to be like this!?
And so Leah cried. And cried. And cried. Fuck, this hurt so much.
“Shit, Leah,” Shannon said, her voice suddenly low. “I’m sorry.” She grabbed her shoulder.
But Leah only squirmed away. “Don’t fucking touch me!” Not now. Not when it was all so fresh.
Leah screamed. Loud and hard. She couldn’t take this anymore!
Someone hissed in answer. They were close.
Leah lurched to her feet, and Shannon scrambled for her guns. They had barely collected themselves before a sick man limped into view, clawing for the fence that they were hiding behind.
Fuck this. Leah wanted nothing more than to lie back down. And cry more. And scream again, louder than before. But instead, she went straight for the plaster wall behind and hopped to safety, her body acting where her mind couldn’t. Shannon was not far behind.
That was the true torture of tonight. Regardless of what they were each going through, they didn’t even have the mercy to process any of it.
Death was still coming for them.
* * *
Shannon was almost out of time. She could feel it.
“How much more?” she asked.
“Still a few blocks away.” Leah scoffed. “Christ, Shannon. You just asked me that five minutes ago.”
That’s right. She had. Shannon grit her teeth. How had she forgotten already?
She coughed, her throat dry. Damn, her head hurt. This was by far the worst hangover she’d ever had. The sun was inching up the horizon, but it felt like it had pointed a spotlight just on her. Any time a car alarm or gunshot went off, it was as though she’d been stabbed in the ear. And the air felt so fucking cold, but she couldn’t stop sweating.
Shannon needed another boost. She reached into her pocket, only to find that her bag of coke was now empty too. She nearly shrieked at the sight. When had she run out of that!?
Her sight instinctively fell back to her arm. It was more pale than she’d ever seen, and the veins where she had injected herself had turned black. The truth was unavoidable.
So this is what dying feels like, huh? Now she understood what Ricardo had gone through. How they all must’ve felt before turning.
Her foot nearly missed the ground, and her body quaked in response. She rubbed her eyes and concentrated. Fucking hell, how much further until we’re th– she started to wonder, only to remember what she had just asked. But then again, what was the answer?
Her eyes watered anew. That was what was really burning Shannon inside, more than anything else. The memory loss. She wasn’t just forgetting today’s events. The more she thought back, the less there was. Her childhood with Mom, her teenage years after running from her stepfather, that time she crashed with her first boyfriend, then doing the same for all those shitheads who came after… It was like everything was blending together into one moment before going down the drain, drip by fucking drip.
Leah marched on in front, her back still to Shannon. Even her. Even Leah was disappearing too. Shannon watched the back of her head, and for a moment, just a moment, she wasn’t sure what she looked like on the other side.
Shannon reached out for Leah, but her only friend was still so very far away.
Fuck, this sucks. Shannon wanted to tell Leah what had happened. She wanted to beg for forgiveness after opening the can of worms that was Leah’s feelings towards her the last time they’d stopped. She wanted to sit down and bawl her eyes out. She wanted to have someone hold her and tell her that it would be okay.
More than anything, Shannon wanted to become decent. Become good. Before this was over, she’d take up God or community work or whatever she had to, if for no reason other than to not have Leah look at her like this. The way everyone else always had.
But she couldn’t. Even if Shannon could somehow work up the strength do half the shit she wanted, it wouldn’t make the slightest bit of difference. There wasn’t any fucking time left!
Shannon leaned against a wall, her limbs suddenly spent. She swallowed the bile in her throat to bury the scream.
“Come on,” Leah called out. “We’re here!”
Shannon stared on. Like a guillotine ready to fall, the restaurant stood in wait. Just like that, the two had made it to where Leah wanted. But what would come next? How much longer until it was too late?
Her finger tapped the grip of her pistol, and her mind had a moment of dimmed clarity. Maybe that would fix this for her. Tell Leah that she’d been infected, put the barrel into her mouth, and pull the trigger before she could get talked out of it. Yeah, that might just do it. It might be her own good deed.
Leah turned back and stared. “What are you doing, Shannon? Let’s go.”
Shannon stayed silent. Her fingers tightened around her pistol as she tried to will the thought to action. Just one good deed. That was it. All she would have to do was say the words out loud, and then her body could do the rest. There was no reason to fight it. She was dead already.
Shannon opened her mouth.
“Mom?” some boy called out before she could speak. “Mom!?”
“Wake up, Mommy!” a girl shouted.
It was then that Shannon realized that the two weren’t alone in the lot. There were a couple kids not far away, boy and girl, hunched over and crying to a woman who lay still. They looked so small and fragile, with red hair and freckles. All while sitting above a person who might rip their throat out a minute from now.
Had Shannon ever been like that? Not as far as she could remember, especially now. Every memory left was that of pain, and anger, and fear, and all that fucking emptiness that was left when the misery died down. That was her life in a nutshell. One mistake after the next.
But maybe these kids still had a chance. Maybe they wouldn’t have to suffer like she had. Maybe someone else’s innocence might be saved. Maybe she could risk it for them.
Shannon sighed as she realized the truth of it all. What would make the deed “good” if it was wasted on herself? Not even suicide could fix things now. It would only prove that Shannon took care of Shannon before anyone else.
Well, not this time. She started to head their way.
Leah closed in. “Wait,” she whispered. “Don’t get close to them. That woman might be sick.”
So am I. She shrugged her off. “It’ll be fine. Here, hold this.” With a wave of her hand, Shannon planted the pistol she’d stolen in Leah’s palm and marched onward. She’d need it more than her soon enough.
The kids frowned as Shannon drew near.
“Please help my Mommy,” the girl pleaded.
Getting this close made the moment truly surreal. The girl looked like Leah… Though maybe twenty years younger. And her mom could’ve been Shannon’s own mother, with raven black hair flowing long. Did she always have her hair like that? It was clear that the mom was messed up, with skin blanched white and eyes now closed. There weren’t any bites or veins turned black that she could see, but it was getting harder to stay focused, and she couldn’t be sure.
“Step back!” Shannon ordered as she knelt down. The kids retreated a few steps, hugging Leah’s legs as they all watched on.
Nothing. She pressed hard to get a pulse, but nothing beat back.
Shannon grunted and moved her palms against the mom’s chest and pushed. First one time, and then another, and another, timed in the way she’d been shown once at rehab. Shannon hadn’t known CPR the first time, back when her own mother had died. She’d only watched on and cried. But now she was older, and stronger, and had nothing else to lose. She pushed and pushed, hoping for something to push back.
Come on, you bitch. Get up. Shannon leaned in deep and pressed harder. The sweat was on her brow and her arms were at their limit, but still she kept going. She couldn’t accept this. She couldn’t let it end this way. Not just for this woman, but for herself. She had to save someone. Anyone. Before it was too late for them both.
Suddenly, the woman stirred. A cough came next, followed by a groan. Shannon’s eyes widened. Had she done it?
“Mom?” the boy gasped, leaning in a beat.
Shannon turned to them. “Give her some space, will you?”
The moment she turned back though, the woman had lurched straight up. She pressed her face into Shannon’s before she could react, and their lips became locked. The moment stood still as Shannon sat in shock, but then she remembered the infection, and knew that this kiss would only doom the life that she’d just saved. She instinctively shoved her off.
But when the woman fell away, her eyes were white and empty, and her mouth had grown deformed. She had something in her teeth. Flesh, maybe? Yes, definitely someone’s flesh. It took Shannon an impossibly long time to realize that this woman was chewing on a pair of severed lips. Her lips.
And then pain. Pain! So much fucking pain! Shannon shrieked in agony, but that only made the sensation explode. Pain, everywhere! It was as if her mouth had been doused in acid!
She barely noticed as the zombie scrambled on top, tearing again into her face. With each rend of flesh, another wave of raw torment tore through her veins. All Shannon could do was scream! Her body was crippled by agony.
Then the zombie got knocked aside, replaced by Leah. Shannon blinked through the torture and watched as Leah beat the butt of her shotgun down, over and over.
Her vision blurred further, and her body began to drag against the pavement. Leah was saying something as she pulled her away, but Shannon’s ears couldn’t understand it, not with all this anguish. All she knew was what she saw. Light, then dark. Dark, then light. Then they were inside, and a door shut behind.
Only then did the pain lesson enough for Shannon to think again. She stared back to Leah as she watched from above.
“Shannon…” Leah muttered.
She opened her mouth to speak, but only writhed in a fresh wave of agony. This was so fucking much.
“Don’t talk!” Leah ordered. “It’s going to be okay.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks. Shannon knew that was bullshit. It was going to be over soon. Fuck, she could feel her body slowing. Her sight dwindling. The pain numbed away, bit by bit. Even if she somehow got through this torture, she was still destined to die. Zombie blood coursed through her veins. Consuming her. Changing her. Slowly, but surely.
But she couldn’t die yet. Not without knowing.
“Did…” Shannon wheezed.
“Seriously! Don’t say a word!” Leah stroked her hair. “Please, just stop and rest.”
She forced the words out. “Did… They… Make… It…?”
Leah gaped. “Who?”
“Kids…” She coughed up blood. “Did… Do… Good…?”
A tear fell free. “Oh, God, Shannon. Was that what this was for?”
Shannon stared deep. It was all that she had the strength left for. She had to know what happened next. If those kids had gotten away without getting hurt and if they’d live to see another day. She had to know if her sacrifice made the slightest bit of difference, or if she’d done that good deed, in the end. She probed into Leah’s eyes, waiting for the answer.
Leah nodded at last, peering straight into her soul. “Yes, Shannon. They got away. All thanks to you.” She clasped her hand.
Shannon closed her eyes and cried, no longer having it in her to hold on. It wasn’t the pain in her face, or the fear of death, or the fact that she couldn’t even remember where they were anymore that made the tears flow free. It was Leah’s hand wrapped in hers, so soft and warm, where the rest of the world had always been so cold and dark.
Someone was here for her as it ended. Someone who cared. Who loved her, in spite of herself. Leah could see the person that Shannon kept buried her whole life. The woman who’d been too scared to let herself be vulnerable, and pushed the world away as a result. She’d pulled all that shit not out of malice, but through fear. Because she couldn’t let anyone get too close without risking them hurting her, she drove everyone else away. Everyone but Leah. She had stayed with her all the way through. To think that it took dying for Shannon to understand that.
Maybe that was enough. Maybe she didn’t need to struggle anymore, or think about what could come next. She could finally let it end in peace, with the friend she loved besides.
Especially now that she’d accomplished her one good deed…
Like this novella? Why not read my main series, The Hollowing? Or, feel free to dabble in some of my Other Writing.
